Raw Goodness

2015 in Britain was the year of everyone going healthy. They predict that 2016 Britain will be the year of sugar free.  The amount of new products using the word ‘raw’ in their advertising is crazy. Everyone is getting on the raw organic train (yay). I got on a few years ago and I’m still enjoying my journey. I actually feel that this is a prophetic statement of what Gods doing in the supernatural, now outworking in the natural. It’s time to get ‘Raw’, ‘Organic’, and quoting the popular bar, ‘Nakd’.

My Husband recently sent me his blogs to have a read over. He’s written several and I had no idea.  And they are excellent. The sad truth is, the reason he hadn’t shown them to me, is because last year when he wrote his first one, he had just finished telling me how vulnerable he felt doing it as I finished reading, when I told him it was amazing. That ‘amazing’ was shortly followed with a list of grammatical edits and punctual errors that I felt needed changing. I love things written well, (I may not be perfect myself) but I can appreciate the cause. In my opinion, I felt that if he wanted the blog to be the best it could be, these things just needed editing. I meant it from a kind heart of wanting the best for him, but he responded in a way which confused me.

“I don’t care about the punctuation, I only wrote this blog for me and for fun. To pursue a creativity gift. No one will read it and if they do, they get the real me.” Ok reading that, it sounds all inspiring and lovely, (plus I’m listening to lovely music which adds to that), but at the time, I understood what he was saying, but didn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to make it better! Deep at the back of my mind were the following un-verbalised motives.

People would see the imperfections and maybe think less of him as a writer, when I knew what he was capable of and wanted the world to see. I respond to well written pieces and ignore the rest, will people ignore his?

 The reality was, he was not writing this to gain any audience or followers, but actually to just write what he was feeling. Un-processed, in its natural state, not organised in a certain way, not prepared. Raw.

We can get so trapped in presenting our life in a certain way (thank you social media for your contributions) that we can almost create a brand for ourselves. Sticking with certain known emotions, behaviours, language, selfie angles, faces…that we begin to live our lives according to the boundaries we’ve set in order to feel safe or secure.

The fear of people’s critique was the reason my husband disengaged with me in sharing his writing. What I was communicating with my actions and words, was that what he had to offer wasn’t good enough without bells, whistles, editing and impressing. *Don’t worry, we’ve worked this through!*

By the way, this didn’t erupt in the moment. He got angry, I got angry, he forgave, I forgave and we carried on eating lunch. It was a year later when I noticed a pattern emerging of him believing that he was not good enough. (Ps that was this month…) I thought, why does he feel that! I tell him every day that he is! Grrrrrrr.

It was a few days later, when asking the holy Spirit what was going on that I couldn’t see, that He revealed to me those small moments, where vulnerability and courage from my husband were met with critique. A belief that if you’re going to be seen, it should at least look good.

Immediately I apologised to him and said something I truly meant: ‘I love you, just the way you are.’ (Mark Darcy from Bridget Jones did say that first but I liked it.)

I’m choosing to live a life where I celebrate courage instead of perfect writing. Where I celebrate steps of vulnerability and choices to be obedient. I’m reading an incredible book with some friends of mine called Daring Greatly, written by Brene Brown. A book about how courage and vulnerability will change the way we live. (It’s not a Christian book but so worth a read!) Buy it. And then read it.